Flower Power, Coeur d'Alene, Idaho, 2018 May 27
Epistles to Lonnie Frisbee
Below are links to my fantasticated letters to Lonnie Frisbee (1949-1993), in which I discuss various topics:
- Letter #1
- The Seraphic Mail Service and Identity Politics
- Letter #2
- The Big Split at Calvary Chapel
- Letter #3
- Greg Laurie the Southern Baptist
- Letter #4
- Revival and Unacceptable Surprises
- Letter #5
- The Five Mottoes of Peak Evangelicaldom
- Letter #6
- The Five Categories of Prophets
- Letter #7
- There's a Bathroom on The Right
And if you don't know what a hippie is, below is a picture of some hippies acting groovy. They once existed many years ago. Lonnie was one but he didn't stay there.
If You Go To Starbucks Often Enough…
- Your clothes will begin to reek of coffee.
- You will see young men with Apple laptop computers programming smart phone apps.
- Ladies will sell each other Mary Kay cosmetics.
- The homeless will be there.
- Some of the homeless will bring their own laptop computers.
- There will be occasional prayer meetings.
- College students will study for their tests.
- A genuine lunatic will sit down and talk with you. You won't understand anything he says.
- You will eventually buy a Starbucks coffee cup.
- The decor will change at least once.
- A young man with a book by Dale Carnegie will sit next to you, smile, and compliment your Life is Good bill hat.
- People will play Scrabble.
- You will hear one of Bach's Brandenburg Concertos.
- Someone will walk in who is wearing outrageous bell-bottom pants.
- Someone will walk in who has on a leash a Great Dane.
- There will a fussy baby crying.
- You will see someone who looks just like Obi-wan Kenobi. Of course, he will be using an Apple computer.
- Someone will come in, use the restroom, and leave without buying anything.
- There will be someone who habitually gives advice to other customers about using their computers.
- A famous celebrity will walk in.
- Two moms will come in pushing enormous baby strollers.
- Sure enough, you will see a dude who's wearing his pants so low his underware is showing.
- Somebody will talk so loud on his cell phone that you can hear every word he is saying
- You will see a tanned, short, skinny man wearing a muscle shirt who has a filter cigarette tucked on his right ear.
- A lady will be doing needlepoint.
- You will encounter someone dressed like a 19th Century mountain man
- A young man, dressed in a spiffy suit and tie, wearing black horned-rimmed glasses and a very serious look on his face, will be diligently and intently doing something with his Apple computer.
- Eventually the baristas will remember your name.
- A old guy who looks like a department store Santa Claus (but without the red costume) will be there, talking yakkity-yak non-stop to someone, who can't get a word in edgewise.
- You will be next to a table where a young man and lady are talking. He will look exactly like the character Wesley from the movie "The Princess Bride." I mean exactly.
- After a time, you will achieve enlightenment. And then you will understand why 95% of everything on the Internet is complete rubbish.
- You will see Hutterite ladies who are in town to do some shopping.
- A mother will be discreetly breast feeding her child.
- A young man will stand by the counter waiting for his drink. He will be wearing a lanyard and a very brightly colored tie-dyed tee shirt having a spiral pattern. On his feet, he will have on a pair of slippers that are shaped like the head of a moose, with little white horns and big eyes. I kid you not.
- People will be playing chess.
- And people will be getting tattoos, yes, right there in Starbucks. Can you believe it?
- A young lady will be there wearing high, bright yellow wading boots while working on her laptop.
- A young lady, with her hair dyed magenta and an enormous, swirly tattoo on her left arm, will be giving another lady a reading using tarot cards.
- You will sip a grande cold brew, with added coconut milk, in the penumbra of a solar eclipse.
- You will talk with a lady in her 70s from Alaska who said she was once seriously ill in a hospital, died, had an out-of-body experience (OBE), and came back to this life.
- You will see a lady sitting at a table and drinking her Starbuck's beverage from a large beer stein.
- People will bring take-out pizza and eat it there in Starbucks.
- A young lady will come in whose jeans are so fashionably "ripped, distressed, and frayed" that there's very little skin left that's not showing. But doesn't this defeat the purpose of wearing pants to begin with?
- One of the baristas will dye her hair a color that matches her green Starbucks apron.
- Yes, there will be someone dressed in a worn-out tee-shirt who will start aggressively scratching his armpit, right out in front of everybody.
- On the way home, you will see a wild turkey, walking besides the street.
Speaking of Starbucks, you will appreciate the humor in these 1st & Main cartoons.
The Ongoing American Cultural Civil War in a Nutshell:
Quotidian Flyover Clinger: "I won't bake your stinkin' cake!"
Woke Coastal Progressive: "Oh yes you will because shut up!"