Friday, December 15, 2017

Incipit

Scene near Lake Coeur d'Alene, Idaho, Oct 22

Praire Starbucks, Coeur d'Alene, Idaho, Dec 15

The above is a reminder that snow is both pretty and a nuisance. The following is my ongoing list of all the things that can happen at Starbucks.

If You Go To Starbucks Often Enough…

  • Your clothes will begin to reek of coffee.
  • You will see young men with Apple laptop computers programming smart phone apps.
  • Ladies will sell each other Mary Kay cosmetics.
  • The homeless will be there.
  • Some of the homeless will bring their own laptop computers.
  • There will be occasional prayer meetings.
  • College students will study for their tests.
  • A genuine lunatic will sit down and talk with you. You won't understand anything he says.
  • You will eventually buy a Starbucks coffee cup.
  • The decor will change at least once.
  • A young man with a book by Dale Carnegie will sit next to you, smile, and compliment your Life is Good™ bill hat.
  • People will play Scrabble.
  • You will hear one of Bach's Brandenburg Concertos.
  • Someone will walk in who is wearing outrageous bell-bottom pants.
  • Someone will walk in who has on a leash a Great Dane.
  • There will a fussy baby crying.
  • You might be MouseJacked and not know it.
  • You will see someone who looks just like Obi-wan Kenobi. Of course, he will be using an Apple computer.
  • Someone will come in, use the restroom, and leave without buying anything.
  • There will be someone who habitually gives advice to other customers about using their computers.
  • A famous celebrity will walk in.
  • Two moms will come in pushing enormous baby strollers.
  • Sure enough, you will see a dude who's wearing his pants so low his underware is showing.
  • Somebody will talk so loud on his cell phone that you can hear every word he is saying
  • You will see a tanned, short, skinny man wearing a muscle shirt who has a filter cigarette tucked on his right ear.
  • A lady will be doing needlepoint.
  • You will encounter someone dressed like a 19th Century mountain man
  • A young man, dressed in a spiffy suit and tie, wearing black horned-rimmed glasses and a very serious look on his face, will be diligently and intently doing something with his Apple computer.
  • Eventually the baristas will remember your name.
  • A old guy who looks like a department store Santa Claus (but without the red costume) will be there, talking yakkity-yak non-stop to someone, who can't get a word in edgewise.
  • You will be next to a table where a young man and lady are talking. He will look exactly like the character Wesley from the movie "The Princess Bride." I mean exactly.
  • You will encounter someone who is severely oppressed by a spirit, as if something had put the poor man's mind through a paper shredder. Very sad condition.
  • After a time, you will achieve enlightenment. And then you will understand why 95% of everything on the Internet is complete rubbish.
  • You will see Hutterite ladies who are in town to do some shopping.
  • You finally will understand that blogging is a pretty useless hobby and that the only way to succeed at it is to be the last man standing.
  • A mother will be discreetly breast feeding her child.
  • A young man will stand by the counter waiting for his drink. He will be wearing a lanyard and a very brightly colored tie-dyed tee shirt having a spiral pattern. On his feet, he will have on a pair of slippers that are shaped like the head of a moose, with little white horns and big eyes. I kid you not.
  • People will be playing chess.
  • And people will be getting tattoos, yes, right there in Starbucks. Can you believe it?
  • A young lady will be there wearing high, bright yellow wading boots while working on her laptop.
  • A young lady, with her hair dyed magenta and an enormous, swirly tattoo on her left arm, will be giving another lady a reading using tarot cards.
  • You will see little putti with spine shingle haircuts flying just above the customers, assuming, of course, that you had added Psilocybin mushroom powder to your strawberry smoothie protein drink.
  • You will sip a grande cold brew, with added coconut milk, in the penumbra of a solar eclipse.
  • You will talk with a lady in her 70s from Alaska who said she was once seriously ill in a hospital, died, had an out-of-body experience (OBE), and came back to this life.
  • You will see a lady sitting at a table and drinking her Starbuck's beverage from a large beer stein.
  • People will bring take-out pizza and eat it there in Starbucks.

Speaking of Starbucks, you will appreciate the humor in these 1st & Main cartoons.