Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Never Before So Much

  1. Never before in human history have so many unhinged people with too much to say had so much access to so much bandwidth—thus, the Internet.
  2. So much depends on the speed at which one types.
  3. So much depends on that red wagon in the front yard.
  4. So much depends on the European Central Bank.
  5. Sleep texting is the newest somnambulist malady.
  6. So much depends on Greece defaulting on its debt.
  7. So much depends on the waterheater.
  8. Never before have so many private obessions acquired such cosmic dimensions.
  9. So much depends on Obama getting re-elected.
  10. So much depends on going to the circus.
  11. The love of money is the root of evil, once again.
  12. So much depends on Don Quixote reaching his sacred quest.
  13. So much depends on German taxpayers. Will they pay our debts?
  14. Never before has so much bandwidth been given over to FarmVille.
  15. So much depends on Pope Benedict XVI.
  16. So much depends on the bitter clingers.
  17. Never before have so many governments been run by the functional equivalent of lunatics.
  18. So much depends on the wardrobe not malfunctioning.
  19. Never before has so much depended on urinal cakes.
  20. So much depends on sunshine.
  21. Where would we be without manatees?
  22. So much depends on Black Friday.
  23. So many things depend on the Ghostbusters stopping Gozer from destroying New York.
  24. More than anything we need dependable fog machines.
  25. Profound silence is sometimes the only righteous response that should be given.
  26. Everything depends on Starbucks.