Sunday, September 26, 2010
Danse Macabre VIII
While going on a doggy stroll in Limbo, Death's mordacious pet dog Cerberus spotted the netherworld ferryman Charon sitting in his boat at the wharf by the Acheron river. Today Charon looked more tuckered out than usual as he smoked a Marlboro cigarette. "Well, how's it going today, Charon?" Cerberus asked. "Meh," said Charon after taking a drag on his smoke, "I had a busy day. What a crowd." Cerberus, knowing Charon well and looking past his phony reticence, sensed that he wanted to tell a story. Charon can be very talkative when he feels like it. "Well, what happened? Tell me," said Cerberus as he sat on his haunches, listening as he wagged his tail. Tossing the butt away into the slimy Acheron river, Charon leaned on his oar and began talking: "Rock stars! What can you do about them? They get some riches and fame and start thinking they'll live forever while pumping drugs and likker into themselves. They sure make for easy pickings. So Death sends them down to me, whole crews of them, and they get here thinking they've reached some kind of Rock'n'Roll heaven. They ask me 'where's the beer?' and other stupid questions. I tell them there ain't any beer in Limbo, and that they've got all the wrong ideas. Next, they decide they want to start a band and they go wandering off. So they get some instruments together and start making a racket trying to play them, even though their fingers have got nothing on them but some falling-off-the-bone moldering flesh. They call that music? Posh. Even the cacodemons sound better. So I am forced to get out of my ferry and chase them all around the shores of Acheron trying to corral them and get them into my boat." Cerberus found this all very amusing and said with a sly smile, "Well, for sure Limbo is no 'stairway to heaven.' Did any of them try singing something like 'you ain't nothing but a hound dog'? That's a favorite of mine." Charon lit up another Marlboro and answered, "I don't know. I don't pay no attention. Do I look like I can afford an iPod?"