Death was once invited to appear on the Oprah Winfrey show for an televised interview in front of a live audience. He asked his mordacious dog Cerberus if he thought this might be a fun thing to do. "Well, you're in the news all the time, so you're a little over-exposed. But what the heck if you're on her show?" was Cerberus's snappy answer. During the interview, Oprah asked Death what people give him the most amount of trouble. "It is interesting that you ask, but I would have thought you could have guessed, and quite easily," said Death with an icy sauveness that sent a chill in the room. Oprah responded that she really couldn't imagine who. Death answered, "Ah. I tell you. The absolute worst bunch are the lawyers." At this the audience laughed, nervously. Death continued, "The lawyers always try to weasel their way out of things. They just cannot imagine that there are some laws under the First Heaven that can't be minipulated by clever arguments or pettifoggery. So they always give me the hardest time. And when that doesn't work, they next try to pay me off with money. They figure that by offering to 'settle' for X amount of dollars then anything must be possible. And even then, they'll try to haggle. I remembered one lawyer from the ACLU who even threatened to sue me for damages. I laughed and told him 'Oh, I'm scared.' And of course the people with the money can afford to hire lawyers. Has anyone noticed that the poor can't retain lawyers? Doesn't that tell you something?" Later, Oprah opened up things for questions from the studio audience. Someone asked, "Do you know any good lawyer jokes?" Death answered, "What do you call a thousand lawyers chained together at the bottom of the ocean?"
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Danse Macabre V
Death was once invited to appear on the Oprah Winfrey show for an televised interview in front of a live audience. He asked his mordacious dog Cerberus if he thought this might be a fun thing to do. "Well, you're in the news all the time, so you're a little over-exposed. But what the heck if you're on her show?" was Cerberus's snappy answer. During the interview, Oprah asked Death what people give him the most amount of trouble. "It is interesting that you ask, but I would have thought you could have guessed, and quite easily," said Death with an icy sauveness that sent a chill in the room. Oprah responded that she really couldn't imagine who. Death answered, "Ah. I tell you. The absolute worst bunch are the lawyers." At this the audience laughed, nervously. Death continued, "The lawyers always try to weasel their way out of things. They just cannot imagine that there are some laws under the First Heaven that can't be minipulated by clever arguments or pettifoggery. So they always give me the hardest time. And when that doesn't work, they next try to pay me off with money. They figure that by offering to 'settle' for X amount of dollars then anything must be possible. And even then, they'll try to haggle. I remembered one lawyer from the ACLU who even threatened to sue me for damages. I laughed and told him 'Oh, I'm scared.' And of course the people with the money can afford to hire lawyers. Has anyone noticed that the poor can't retain lawyers? Doesn't that tell you something?" Later, Oprah opened up things for questions from the studio audience. Someone asked, "Do you know any good lawyer jokes?" Death answered, "What do you call a thousand lawyers chained together at the bottom of the ocean?"